Sometimes I just have to get these thoughts out of my head and put them on paper. I wrote these down awhile ago but reading them again, in this moment, brings me a reality check and encouragement all in one. The reality that I can be lost and found at the same time. Perhaps it will do the same for you.
Sometimes I get lost inside ME.
This overwhelming, burdensome, agitating shell makes me feel restless and trapped. Then a metamorphosis happens, I catch a glimpse of the real me. It’s beautiful, alive, free, uninterested with expectations nor burdened by cares. I imagine it’s somewhat like a caterpillar as it’s wriggling free of it’s cocoon and emerges with wings. Wings. They offer shelter in embrace and escape in their flight. And they offer freedom in soaring.
Sometimes fear can be a constant companion for so long that you no longer recognize it as such…and it brings comfort because it bears the face of care and concern, of holding on and not letting go. But some things aren’t meant to be held. Some things do not need your care. They need you to let go. Letting go. That can be terrifying. But that can also be the very thing that sets you free.
Sometimes my mind is like an endless ocean of thoughts…so many of them meaningless that I feel lost in the vastness. But YOU…YOU ARE the ocean. You created it’s tide, the storm, the calm. And YOU created ME. “Why are you cast down, oh my soul, why are you disquieted within me?” You know the maker. If there’s wonder in a tiny grain of sand, what do you see when you look at me? What were your thoughts of me, as you formed me?
This brings me to this moment. Feeling lost in my thoughts and cares, worries and expectations, and Love. Always love. But sometimes the other things skew it’s beauty, it’s truth, it’s reality. God is Love. Here I pause to close my eyes and think on that a moment.
I know you are real. I know you love me. I know you are here.
Why do I continue to try to place value on myself by things I do. I am valuable because I was created. Why do I try to earn love when love is why I exist. Do I even know the answer? I know the shell of me is subject to the opposite of Love. Selfishness and pride, the very things that keep us from fully knowing that love exists within us. But inside, in our hearts, in the very essence of our being, we can know freedom. We can know love. We can live there. And although it seems as though we are on an endless sea with a changing tide, we can find a constant, consistent contentment in YOUR LOVE.
That’s where I want to be lost.
That’s where I am found.